Here’s something nobody tells you when you’re in the middle of a hard season: falling down is not the problem. Staying down is.
Every woman I’ve ever worked with has had a moment — sometimes many moments — where something didn’t go the way she hoped. A conversation that went sideways. A decision she second-guessed immediately. A week where everything felt like too much and she didn’t handle it the way she wanted to. And in that moment, the voice in her head said some version of:see, I knew I couldn’t do this.
That voice is lying. Here’s the truth: the stumble is part of the path. Not a detour from it. Part of it.
What a setback actually is
A setback is information. That’s it. It’s not a verdict on who you are or what you’re capable of. It’s not proof that you should give up or that you were foolish to try. It’s just data — something that didn’t work, delivered in the most inconvenient way possible.
The women who move through hard seasons aren’t the ones who never fall. They’re the ones who fall and then ask:okay, what did that just teach me?
That question changes everything. It takes you out of the story where you’re the person who failed and puts you in the story where you’re the person who’s learning. Those are two very different places to stand.
The setback that feels personal
When you’re in the middle of a big life question — like whether to stay in or leave your marriage — setbacks hit differently. They don’t feel like information. They feel like confirmation of every fear you’ve been carrying.
You have a hard conversation and it goes badly.See, nothing ever changes.
You try to imagine your life differently and you can’t.See, I’ll never figure this out.
You take one step forward and something pulls you two steps back.See, I’m stuck here forever.
I want to gently push back on every one of those conclusions.
A hard conversation that goes badly tells you something about the conversation — not about every conversation that will ever happen. Not being able to imagine a different life yet tells you that you need more time and more support — not that a different life isn’t possible. Two steps back after one step forward is just what progress actually looks like up close. It rarely looks like a straight line from where you are to where you’re going.
What I know about getting back up
I came home one night to a completely empty house. Everything gone — the furniture, the appliances, the bank accounts. I could have decided in that moment that my life was over. That I’d never recover. That the setback was the story.
Instead, I went to my favorite restaurant, ordered my favorite meal, and checked into a hotel. Not because I had it all figured out. I absolutely did not. But because falling down didn’t have to mean staying down.
What followed was years of hard work — three jobs, a spiral notebook budget, figuring it out one step at a time. There were plenty of stumbles along the way. The point is I kept taking the next step, even when I couldn’t see very far ahead.
You don’t have to see the whole path. You just have to take the next step on it.
Three things to do when a setback hits
Stop and breathe before you conclude anything. The story you tell yourself in the first five minutes after a setback is almost never accurate. Give yourself time before you decide what it means.
Ask what it’s teaching you instead of what it’s proving. Every stumble has something in it worth knowing. You may have to look for it — but it’s there.
Take one small next step. Not ten steps. Not a complete recovery plan. Just one. Forward motion, however small, is still forward motion.
A place to start — even after a stumble
If you’ve been going in circles with “do I stay or do I go?” and a setback has you wondering if you’ll ever get clear, I put together a free guide — ten questions designed to help you find your footing again. No score, no right answers, no agenda. Just a quiet starting point for when you’re ready to take that next step.
→ Download it free at https://10questions.sheroempowered.com/crossroads
When you’re ready to go deeper
Getting back up is easier when you’re not doing it alone. That’s the work I do through my “Do I Stay or Do I Go?” program — three months, weekly sessions, zero agenda about which way you choose. And if you’d like to start with a conversation first, a 30-minute call is just $49 — no pressure, no pitch, just clarity.
When you’re ready, I’m here:
→ https://tidycal.com/franyakisley/stuck-on-the-fence
Written by Fränya K. Isley, founder of SHeroEmpowered.com
