People have told me more than once that I must not take my life seriously, because I laugh so much even when things are hard. I always correct them on that. I take my life very seriously. I just don’t think seriousness and laughter have to cancel each other out.
The night my ex-husband emptied our entire house and disappeared, I ordered my favorite meal, checked into a hotel, and thought, well, this is going to be interesting. That’s not denial. That’s humor doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.
Laughter isn’t the opposite of hard
Somewhere along the way, a lot of us picked up the idea that finding something funny during a hard season means you’re not taking it seriously enough. That real pain requires a straight face, and laughing feels like a betrayal of how hard things actually are.
I don’t think that’s true, and here’s why: laughter and grief live in the same body at the same time all the time. You can be devastated and still laugh at something absurd. You can be scared about a decision and still find the dark comedy in exactly how it’s unfolding. One doesn’t cancel the other. They’re just both true.
What laughter actually does for you
Laughter isn’t just a nice-to-have during hard seasons. It does real work.
It releases something in your body that pure grinding through can’t. It reminds you that you’re still a person capable of joy, even in the middle of something that doesn’t feel joyful. It creates a small amount of distance between you and the situation, just enough that you can see it a little more clearly instead of being completely swallowed by it.
Women stuck asking “do I stay or do I go?” sometimes feel guilty for laughing during such a heavy season, like they’re not allowed to feel light until the decision is made. I’d push back on that. Laughing along the way isn’t proof you’re not taking the decision seriously. It’s proof you’re still a whole person while you make it.
Finding the funny, even here
This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to be upbeat or performing okay-ness you don’t feel. It means staying open to the absurd moments that show up even in hard seasons, because they will show up, whether you notice them or not.
The awkward small talk at a family gathering where everyone is clearly avoiding the obvious topic. The moment you cry and laugh in the same five minutes because your emotions genuinely cannot decide what to do. The friend who says exactly the wrong thing with such confidence that it becomes funny instead of hurtful.
These moments are already happening around you. The practice is just letting yourself actually notice them instead of pushing past them toward the next serious thing.
My own laughter style
I’ve always been a light-hearted person, even through genuinely hard things. Straightforward doesn’t mean humorless, and I’ve never thought being direct about hard truths meant I couldn’t also find something to laugh about along the way.
That’s not everyone’s style, and it doesn’t need to be. But if it’s yours, and you’ve been suppressing it because you think a serious situation demands a serious face at all times, consider this permission to let it back out.
A place to bring your whole self, laughter included
If you’re navigating a decision that’s felt heavy for a long time, and you’re ready to bring some lightness back into how you’re thinking about it, I put together a free guide. Ten questions designed to help you hear your own voice through all the noise. No score, no agenda, no right answers.
→ Download it free at https://10questions.sheroempowered.com/crossroads
When you’re ready to go deeper
Finding the funny along the way opens the door. For women who want structured support actually working through the decision itself, that’s the work I do through my “Do I Stay or Do I Go” program. Three months, weekly sessions, zero agenda about which way you choose. And if you’d like to start with a conversation first, a 30-minute call is just $49, no pressure, no pitch, just clarity.
When you’re ready, I’m here:
→ https://tidycal.com/franyakisley/stuck-on-the-fence
Written by Fränya K. Isley, founder of SHeroEmpowered.com
